the great joy of recalling memories

I’ve been recalling memories.
Moments that hurt me, that defined me,
people that I loved, and greatly so,
how we are apart now.
People I miss, the love, the care,
the feeling of being wanted, protected.
Some feelings I thought I had buried deep,
resurrected,
nights are stained with the blood of those I lost,
reminiscing, not hurt
“What if”… but it’s just a fleeting thought.

that gave me great joy;

in the end I'd be left with nothing

What if, one day, they decide I don't belong in their life?

I could say that they are wrong, 

but I'll tell them "You are right".

Why did I decide to drop the guise,

when I knew my heart would be compromised?

What if, one day, they decide I need to be replaced?

I could break, but they will see that I'm unfazed. 

Why did I ever believe inside

that they would always be by my side?

What if, one day, they stay only because they pity me?

I could ask them to leave, but I'll pretend I don't see. 

Why did I tell them the truth,

when I knew that in the end

I'd be left with nothing?