I used to be able to express myself clearly but for the past few months, I find myself at a loss for words. I cannot speak because what I feel and what I think are entirely different and make no sense.
I would give a lot to have you as my best friend again, but things just don't work that way. What was our flop era as friends is now the peak.
I know I'm not as verbally affectionate as I should be and I am sorry for that. When you told me you wondered if you really meant anything to me, I was flabbergasted. Of course, you mean a lot to me. I have told you a lot of times that you are one of the best people I have known. I still think that our friendship is at least in the Top 3 friendships of my entire life.
So what if we fight a little now? So what if we don't call as we used to? play as we used to? tell each other almost everything as we used to?
We were in school back then. Things were easier. We weren't countries apart. We didn't have our own things going on.
Are you a priority? Maybe you think you're not because I don't text you ever so often, and that's on me. But would you like to know why?
It's because I, just like you, also think about what we used to be and what we are now, and when we do text it seems superficial, the beta version of who we could be, and that upsets me.
So what if I don't cry? I still feel terrible. Is that what you want to know? That the person you are thinking about is thinking about you too?
I am sorry for everything. I truly am.
Sometimes I think that maybe one day after I am done with my bachelor's and you are done with yours, we could meet again. We could be neighbors and do the things we said we would do. Go hike, go bike, hang out every other day. And then we could be happy. If I had a choice I would pick this for sure.
I know it can't happen but thinking about it makes me feel, and now I hope it makes you feel something too.