I am okay and I am not

My hands are getting cold,
I accept reality but I don't.
My fingers are losing feeling,
so many secrets I am keeping.
To help someone who doesn't want to be helped,
to love someone who doesn't want my love,
to be with someone who doesn't want my company,
To admire someone but she already has many.
This is my life.
And these are my words.
My relationship with people is limited to strifes,
All the shit you see? That's what I stirred.
Someone I call my best friend tells me she isn't real,
oh come on, is that all you can feel?
I put my guard down for some months,
I see it did no good.
In fact, I pulled some deathly stunts,
But on the outside unaffected I stood.
One two three nine,
I tell you I'm fine
And I really am.
Oval circle sphere dot,
I tell you I'm fine
But actually I'm not.

-Nalini