be able to look yourself in your eye

old memories, thick haze,

castles destroyed in craze.

living vial, moments reconstructed,

coercing 'chosen' to be 'stuck with'.

loving emails, frayed notes,

the last of the heart before it broke.

sun shining, new beginnings, 

forgiveness so that life feels fulfilling.

a new person, pain is dimmer,

movement comes from turning the eye inward.

pain caused is forgiven, but the battles not forgotten,

you can rise only when the walls have truly fallen.

let it sink, let it tear,

you can listen beyond what you hear.

go away from the light, blanket of darkness

now is the time to get it off your chest.

still, in order to heal

love yourself fully, and be honest

you have to do justice to your soul.

always be in sync, never lie to yourself

will anything into existence, and most importantly,

be able to look yourself in your eye.

It is to be buoyant!

There is a panic that lives in the open blue, 

the dizziness of the legs when they kick against nothing,

the instinct to seek the floor, 

the reassuring grit of sand beneath the heel,

the yearning to stand on something named, not something formless. 

This is the tension between fluidity and structure, the dizziness of looking within and not knowing yourself.

Look down, see the gradient fade, turquoise to navy, navy to the absolute black of the unknown self. 

There is no bedrock there. 

No stone where the name is carved.

No foundation to hold the weight of a history.

The vertigo is the realization that the vessel has no anchor, that self does not exist.

Watch the body when it stops fighting, when you stop looking for yourself,

the moment that desire for solid earth is released, the water accepts your weight.

The lack of a floor = the gift of suspension

What cannot be stood upon can still be floated through. This is ocean and not concrete.

To be undefined is not to be lost. It is to be buoyant!