what do I actually wish for?

I wish somebody would write letters for me,
like I did for them.
I wrote thousands of words for one boy, but I hated the outcome.
I wrote hundreds of words for one girl, but she didn't appreciate, too dumb.

I wish somebody would make me laugh by making weird faces,
sure, I did it too, but now I'm tired and my face has traces.
For all my friends, I made funny poses but they're all silent cases.

I wish somebody would make me cry in peals of laughter,
'cause I did it for them too.
I found their deepest and darkest monster,
and made them giggle because of my Joke Flu.

I wish somebody would stop being self centered,
And also try and see my efforts.
Yes, I notice yours too but...
Your selfishness makes me hurt.

I wish somebody would read and try to understand my poetry,
it would be amazing if I knew someone was interested..
Somebody could love my poem-sea,
And marvel at how my feelings have been adjusted.

I have come to realise that everyone is different,
but I still wish someone does these for me.
I don't think twice before doing something stupid,
I make them smile but they don't see.

And this makes me sad.
I feel really bad.
But I don't really care now,
all my actions are slowly falling down.

I am submitting my goddamn crown.


-Nalini

I am okay and I am not

My hands are getting cold,
I accept reality but I don't.
My fingers are losing feeling,
so many secrets I am keeping.
To help someone who doesn't want to be helped,
to love someone who doesn't want my love,
to be with someone who doesn't want my company,
To admire someone but she already has many.
This is my life.
And these are my words.
My relationship with people is limited to strifes,
All the shit you see? That's what I stirred.
Someone I call my best friend tells me she isn't real,
oh come on, is that all you can feel?
I put my guard down for some months,
I see it did no good.
In fact, I pulled some deathly stunts,
But on the outside unaffected I stood.
One two three nine,
I tell you I'm fine
And I really am.
Oval circle sphere dot,
I tell you I'm fine
But actually I'm not.

-Nalini

Some days I feel

Troubled,
some days it feels like
the world is on my shoulders,
so much pressure on me.
And some days it seems like
I have a bloody owner
who does not let me free.
How oppressed can you make me feel?
Until one day I'll break away.
Or I'll break down.
I can be hard like steel,
Or soft like rubber that sways...
Or? I can be brittle,
and submit my crown.

Some days I feel like
the world's on my shoulders,
that everyone is choking me.
And some days it seems like
my strength is almost over,
that everyone is mocking me.


-Nalini
(inspiration 

In my heart

Deep in my heart, 

I know that it's over.

You gave me the cold shoulder. 
But it's me who made it start. 
I can still try to make a difference,
but you are ignorant. 
And you make me waste all my efforts. 
I know that people change,
but I didn't expect it from you. 
That's why it hit me so hard,
you suddenly became so cruel. 
Deep in my heart, 
I know that's it over.
That all we held close is,
now a wilted clover.
That all we made once,
is now a mile apart.

That all we made true is...
now just a joke for you.



-Nalini

good intentions turn bad?

I want to shield you from all evil,

but there's nowhere we can hide.

If the worse is by your side,

I'll get my axe and kill it.

But...

What can I do if the demon is in me?

What can I do to make you see...

the real murderer in me?

Who have I murdered? 

I murdered myself. 

I was the prey, and I was the wolf. 

I killed my innocence,

I killed my love.

I chose the wrong way.

It has been done and I can never revert it.

Or can I? 

I was the bomb and I threw myself away.

-Nalini

A friend for show

When you ask me why I'm sad, 
it becomes difficult to tell. 
But before I let the words out,
you tell me how hard you fell. 
It's just a general question,
it means nothing to you.
All you care about is
reacting to my problems
 by saying "Me too!"
Don't you realise how heartless it seems? 
You ask me why I'm so loud, 
only to pause and scream. 
You make my problems seem negligible,
by saying "oh that's so relatable!"

If you are so self centered,
continue being so.
I'll remember you as the friend 
who cared about me just for show.


-Nalini

poison disposition

You have a poison disposition,

truly toxicant. 

I am intoxicated by your words

even though they sting.

The messy disarrangement 

of my feelings, 

adrenaline kicks in. 

I tell you what I feel, 

I give you my love and then-

you crush my heart

and throw it in the bin.  

This is prevalent, 

 so this time I let you go. 

I let you go. 

I find my broken heart,

mend each of the broken piece. 

I fix it in such an art; 

that, 

nobody can break it again.

-Nalini