Questions

It does scare me that in a field of chirping canaries,

flies wallowing in the flock of felicias,

the breeze channeling through brazen withering grass, 

I can’t feel at peace. 
Why, in a lovely grounds, in the bounty of nature, 

do I feel that I don’t belong? 
Why, away from the crutches of mad mankind,
listening to the animals talk, 

can’t I focus on their song? 
What insanity has engulfed me as the frog did the fly? 

The longer I stay put, the more I wonder “why?” 
The madness never ceases. 

Hours pass by while my soul further creases. 
Searching, searching, has made this heart sore; 

but it never knows what it’s searching for. 

But a father will never stop loving his daughter, right?

I couldn’t keep you, but will I see you again?

It is dark here, the sun doesn’t come up for me; 

polar night, but all year, anyways, how are you? 

Cancelled rendezvous, 

but you can still find me at the sea. 

Green-eyed because she says she meets you. 

Is this true? But you said you loved me more; 

and I’ve always loved you a lot more than she. 

I learned to make your tea, 

and woke up for you at four. 

Have you read my letters yet? 

They’ve been piling up since 2019,

but I am sure you must be very busy.

If you’re Eminem, I’m Stanley, 

and that will be the death of me. 

Lip Quivers

(My lip quivers but I stop myself from

crying- the trick is to tilt your head back, 

they return to where they came from.)

If your father chooses to leave you, 

don’t curse him. On one hand, maybe your 

love wasn’t enough, on the other, the pain was too

much to your surprise. 

(My lip quivers but I bite it, I’m trying to

be rational.) What’s your favorite number? Because,

there is a bigger set of infinities between 1 and 10, 

than there is between 1 and 9, and my love

was overpowered by infinite pain between 9 and 10, and so

he chose death. Must I really hate him for

 leaving me? He saw me living, and he was trying to. 

(My lip quivers, the waterfall from my nose tries

polishing my lips, but no, no, I won’t allow a cry.)

Will I really let his selfless acts of fifteen years

crumble against one? Surely not. 

(I love you and I always have, these tears- 

they do not stop, perennial, as our bond.)

The woman who hummed her way into my mind

 I was sleeping. Well it was 1:25 A.M. I was half awake enjoying the breeze from my window. 

When I first heard it, it was low and vague. I had to close my eyes and focus in order to listen to it. A woman was humming nearby. So, I live in a village house in the middle of a hilly terrain, and the closest house is about 100 meters away. That’s why I was baffled.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard it again, even though one of my ears was pressed into a pillow and the other was covered by a blanket. This time it felt more distinct. I got up to go to the toilet, which is on the other side of the hallway. I was peeing with one eye completely closed and the other only slightly open, and I myself was lost in my own world, when suddenly I heard the humming right next to my ear. That lasted only for a nanosecond till it got back to being vague. I thought I was so sleepy my audio senses were lagging. Thus I shrugged it off. 

For some reason, my mother just could not hear it. She was busy in her office and thought I was just being crazy. I headed back to my room and snuggled into my blanket like a burrito. 

I was back into my half asleep condition when I heard the loudest bang I have ever heard before. My mother came into my room and inquired about the same. But we couldn’t see anything that had fallen, and right about then I started hearing the humming, again, and my mother couldn’t, again. 

I was weirded out, and I just fell asleep. I don’t know how long later, but then I heard my mother humming an old Indian lullaby, except the lullaby woke me up. Ironic. She was humming from outside the house so I thought she went for her daily cuppa tea, although it was close to 4 am. 

Now as much I will try to properly explain what happened next, I won’t be able to describe it. One second I was thinking way too fast and the next, I just lost my train of thought. I was aware of my surroundings but it felt like I was in a trance. I got up, wore my slippers, and headed out. I wanted to check my mother’s room first but I don’t know why I just didn’t stop. I walked right by her door. I was in the hallway at the end of which was our back door. I felt like everything else was blurred and to open the door was my mission. 

“FUUUUUUUUCK!” I stubbed my toe. “FUCK SHIT FUCK!”

It hurt like a bitch but after I yelped out, I realized all this while the humming was there, and after my gut wrenching swearing at the crack of dawn, it stopped. I suddenly became aware of the creepiness of the whole situation, and I ran upstairs to my mother’s room. 

She was curled up and facing the other side. I breathed out a sigh of relief. I tiptoed into the room, and slid into the sheets behind her. I just wanted to hug my mum…

She turned around. She turned very, very, slowly, almost deliberately so. 

That was not my mom, the imposter had no face, just a void of blackness. I scrambled to get out of the sheets. Where was my mother!? I was in panic mode. 

The imposter started humming again. I remember being pulled towards her, slowly and forcefully. My mind was beginning to soften, if that makes sense. It was like lazy mist started clouding my thoughts. 

“Alexa, play Rock radio.”

I could think clearly again. The music — Smells like Teen Spirit — started drowning the hums. I turned around but the creature wasn’t there. I ran out the door and stumbled down the stairs to my mother’s office, praying she just fell asleep during work. 

It was dark in her office. I turned the lights on. 

She was hanging upside down, but her hair rested on her shoulders normally, defying gravity. Her neck was slit and blood was pouring into what appeared to be a silver candlestick. Her blood seemed to be forming itself into a deep red candle. 

The humming started, and it was right behind me. I was shivering because of what was being done to my mother. I was angry. I just turned around. 

There was a woman in a traditional Indian sari. The sari was black and laced with golden on the tips. Her face was covered with the sari drape. The humming intensified but with lowered volume and pitch. But it wasn’t affecting me, I was angry and I was playing rock music in my head.

She raised her head and the drape fell off her face. She had my mother’s eyes and lips, but the rest of the areas were still black and empty. As the candle grew taller, the emptiness was being filled.

Soon she could grin, and she did. And then she brought out her hand. Her chiseled nail curved down my neck and across my chest. I had goosebumps everywhere. 

I don’t remember anything after that. I woke up in my bed. I went to my mother’s room and she was sleeping there, no slits, no scars. I went down to the office and it looked normal. Our CD player was beeping though. There was a CD in there and it had to be played. I pressed the play button. 

The same humming filled my mind and body. Suddenly I knew what it meant. 

“See you again, sister.”

I felt something curve down my neck.