dsme2011 year 2 midterm

I am capable of so much more, 

I am not what they think I am, 

or who I should be; 

when my ears started to ring

and my breath was like a blink, 

I knew I could have avoided it

had I have been more hardworking. 

I can't undo my mistakes. 

Now I know where I went wrong. 

The entire night passed by

and all I could do was cry, 

having gone to bed with a terrible heartache, 

a feeling I never want to feel again. 

Having woken up feeling 

my heart wake up in pain, 

that is something I never 

want to feel again. 

Maybe I do truly love you

As I sit in my UGFN1000 tutorial, silently typing away, thinking about you, about us, our future, about what you said about trust, the wind slithers in from under the door and I say to it "Take me with you". 

I cannot focus in class anyway, I am thinking about how continually I break down and rebuild myself. And I wonder if we will truly bind the way you said we would.

It is hard for me to trust, as it is for anyone, but I have been opening up my heart to you. I wish you feel the same way, but I will not ask you to feel pressured into doing so. If your dreams tell you to be wary, then be wary. If your heart tells you one thing and your brain tells you another, then think with your brain and feel with your heart. Love me, love me cautiously if you will. 

After the chaos of our days, I find myself drawn to feeling grounded with you. After everything the day has had to offer, I need my alone time. Alone time with you. And I would need it day after day after day. 

I want to watch the sunrise with you right next to me, and I want us to walk in the wind at midnight. I want to experience everything with you. 

You make me a better person. 

Sometimes I feel like I am the sunlight that paints my wall golden in the morning, I am the strange silver feather under my bed, I am the crunchy leaf scraping the ground in symphony with the wind, I am the flaccid pink flower that has a weird cylindrical shlong, I am the rain that comes in from your window, I am the carpet in front of my door, but when I am with you, I am simply, quite simply, just me. 

I am fearful of admitting this, but maybe I do truly love you. 

mad

hopefully

my time doesn't go

disrespected

in more ways than one; 

hopefully

you see that 

consideration

plays a big part 

in how we grow:

to be closer

or further apart. 

do i want to be happy or do i want to be in pain?

I hope this 

feeling of disappointment is not 

everlasting

even though it is real. 

Like how every minute of

depression feels like an hour, and

every bout of madness consumes 

all but itself.

dare I wait for temporary joy?

But sadness drives one, 

instills a rage that crushes their

spirits, 

that makes them break. 

So... do I want to be happy

or do I want to be in pain?

i love this

Iridescent view from the blinking of an eye, 

like being high, but only healthier, sustainable, 

I finally feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. 

Kajal, or kohl, lightly marking my water line,

extra highlighter on the tip of my nose:

"Youth", they say, "finally caught up with you."

Oh, but I am only 19, so I have the 

urge to punch them. Let me enjoy the view.