cwcc

 Sometimes you just feel like an outside in your own life. You can smile and laugh and crack a joke with others, but when it’s just you- you’re different. You feel like you’re hovering over your own body: detached, miserable, lonely. There’s an aching desire in the pit of your stomach but you never know what it is. You just know that this isn’t where or how you’re meant to be. You watch time ticking away and you know you’ll never get these minutes back, but you still stay in your bed and look at the clouds or the stars or the mist and feel absolutely and utterly misplaced.

2021, here I come

I have made a list of resolutions every year. And every year, I have failed to achieve them. I hope the fate of 2021 is different. 

So this year, I want to do things differently. And making realistic resolutions is a part of it. 

I want to discover who I want to be. I know who I am, just not what I can be. And it is never to late to be what you might have been. 

I want to learn to accept others’ opinions even if I don’t agree with them. 

I want to be honest with others, even if it breaks hearts in my doing so. 

I want to be able to learn to live with the grief that has taken up permanent residence in my heart. 

I want to learn a new skill and I want to hone my other language skills. 

I want to read more. Appreciate more. Love more. Live more. 

 

But most of all, I want to be able to look back at 2021 next year and not feel an ounce of regret.  

Edit: After my friend told me he messed up and caused trouble for me, I thought it fit to add a new resolution: when shit goes down, be calm.