what do I actually wish for?

I wish somebody would write letters for me,
like I did for them.
I wrote thousands of words for one boy, but I hated the outcome.
I wrote hundreds of words for one girl, but she didn't appreciate, too dumb.

I wish somebody would make me laugh by making weird faces,
sure, I did it too, but now I'm tired and my face has traces.
For all my friends, I made funny poses but they're all silent cases.

I wish somebody would make me cry in peals of laughter,
'cause I did it for them too.
I found their deepest and darkest monster,
and made them giggle because of my Joke Flu.

I wish somebody would stop being self centered,
And also try and see my efforts.
Yes, I notice yours too but...
Your selfishness makes me hurt.

I wish somebody would read and try to understand my poetry,
it would be amazing if I knew someone was interested..
Somebody could love my poem-sea,
And marvel at how my feelings have been adjusted.

I have come to realise that everyone is different,
but I still wish someone does these for me.
I don't think twice before doing something stupid,
I make them smile but they don't see.

And this makes me sad.
I feel really bad.
But I don't really care now,
all my actions are slowly falling down.

I am submitting my goddamn crown.


-Nalini

I am okay and I am not

My hands are getting cold,
I accept reality but I don't.
My fingers are losing feeling,
so many secrets I am keeping.
To help someone who doesn't want to be helped,
to love someone who doesn't want my love,
to be with someone who doesn't want my company,
To admire someone but she already has many.
This is my life.
And these are my words.
My relationship with people is limited to strifes,
All the shit you see? That's what I stirred.
Someone I call my best friend tells me she isn't real,
oh come on, is that all you can feel?
I put my guard down for some months,
I see it did no good.
In fact, I pulled some deathly stunts,
But on the outside unaffected I stood.
One two three nine,
I tell you I'm fine
And I really am.
Oval circle sphere dot,
I tell you I'm fine
But actually I'm not.

-Nalini