Love and pain; our promise

There is something I should know:

Sometimes, it is okay to let go. 

Summer is great, but maybe I need to let it snow. 

I need to let myself grow.

It is okay to love, but important to live;

Love is alive, and cannot be trapped within a dead thing.

Love demands to be heard, pain demands to be felt:

both, a living reminder of being human.

Love can be chained and pain can be freed, 

Both, a living rendition of my promise-

I will never leave your side, I said it with a smile;

Living up to it is difficult when instead of being with you-

I am behind.

Your happiness is a living reminder of our promise, 

where I am living it behind the scenes:

Behind the veil of your stainless steel;

Protecting, defending-

You are the body, I am the dress. 
I protect you, I defend. 

When I realise

When I realise

  that sunshine no longer brightens up my eyes, 

no longer makes me run away into the shade; 

rain doesn't make me feel awake anymore,

I stop wanting to catch a butterfly on my finger and make it linger there,

that I no longer associate flowers with love as I associate it with grief,

and I have begun counting my days backward; 

Counting days backward to the day I had to start living without you,

that I start dreaming when I wake up and living when I sleep,

And I no longer wish for class to get over:

it is more like wishing for my life,

I understand that without you

I am merely a pebble who has forgotten loving and living and wishing,

 being in the sun, in the rain, away from pain.

Merely a pebble.