When I realise
that sunshine no longer brightens up my eyes,
no longer makes me run away into the shade;
rain doesn't make me feel awake anymore,
I stop wanting to catch a butterfly on my finger and make it linger there,
that I no longer associate flowers with love as I associate it with grief,
and I have begun counting my days backward;
Counting days backward to the day I had to start living without you,
that I start dreaming when I wake up and living when I sleep,
And I no longer wish for class to get over:
it is more like wishing for my life,
I understand that without you
I am merely a pebble who has forgotten loving and living and wishing,
being in the sun, in the rain, away from pain.
Merely a pebble.