a speck in the universe

You got that right Wordsworth,

I really do wander like a lonely cloud.

A lonely cloud along with so many other lonely clouds.

So if all are lonely...no one is. 

Still, sometimes I roam lonely as a cloud.

I'm standing in a crowd, with a crowd, 

actually just a part of  the crowd. 

But I feel lonely, 

like nobody wants to be with the real me. 

They all like the cloud who-

 is feather light, and never blocks the Sun,

the Sun who is the only thing that shines. 

Still, sometimes I sit irrelevant as a stone. 

A stone, a pebble, grit, shingle-

my names, but who even cares?

My self is as irrelevant;

as my name, as my body

as my existence. 

"I'm Pebble," I say

"oh hi pobel! " they retort,

they find me extraneous,

that's what they meant. 

Still, sometimes I float robotically as a dandelion.

I float here and there,

get blown to places I never choose to go.

I disperse to wherever the wind pushes me,

my choice is as my own

as it does not belong.

I keep floating, 

on and on and on.

the hospital

The hospital is a depressing place,
a gloomy, unhappy, dolorous space.
In one moment, all your hopes can be lifted;
in one second, all your hopes can be shattered.
The number of deaths are unlisted,
so naturally, many-a souls have drifted,
through the minds in uneasiness clatter,
where lives are simply just 'matter'.

The atmosphere tears at your heart,
sometimes with additional scalding pain.
The loss of a body part,
sometimes the loss of a family member.

They say, grief of separation is inescapable.
Oh, how true it is.
That day, when I held his trembling fingers in mine,
his weak hand with my strong hand entwined,
I realised my biggest and greatest fear.
I never want to lose you.
I will fight, claw, smash, break and tear,
I will bargain with the Devil himself,
in fact, I will contribute my blood myself,
but no, I will not bear losing you.

These thoughts run through your mind,
in the hospital where it's destined.
That is why, I say and I believe-
Hospitals depress you, promise to retrieve,
but sometimes make the patient's life cease. 

-Nalini

Stop Copying Me

Isn't it great to have an identity of your own?
"There's no one like you."
Like the flower anemone?
It's true.
Having your own identity is amazing.
Being different than those 'few'.

But what happens when,
someone copies your style?
Annoying...
I am an autophile.

I don't see what they get when they copy me,
it's like being an ocean,
and they become your sea.
The Ocean is authentic,
bigger, and stronger.
But the sea is where-
all the people gather.

Shame...the ocean unwillingly drains into the sea,
the sea which ultimately survives because of the ocean.
It would be impossible to feel,
the waves of the sea.
If it didn't drain off from the ocean.

I stand by my values,
stand by my faith.
I know myself,
you're just an eighth.

You're just a clone.
I change with time,
you commit crimes-
by thieving an identity.
I am River Nile,
you are a copy-o-phile.

-Nalini

The Devil is our friend

I once read something,
and got highly inspired. 
The Devil got to know my wants,
by eavesdropping on my conversation. 
One day he turned up at my heart's door,
not in his usual attire. 
I opened the door, 
instead of saying "I can't".
There he stood,
wearing everything I ever wished for. 
I welcomed him in my heart's small,
stupidly awaiting my own fall. 
Once inside,
he stripped himself away;
I was crestfallen, seeing my wishes fading,
so I asked him not to stay.
He said, "Sure,  I will go-
but not so soon my dear. 
I'll make torture feel so slow,
& be the reason of all your fears."
So I sat him down,
and brought out tea.
"If you're here for the round," I said
"Let's talk if you're free."
He took a black cup 
of black tea,
and ate some biscuits. 
"I am hungry and untied," he said.
"Let's talk, come and sit"
So I sat with him,
and asked him how he knew what I wanted,
for I was angry that God told him. 
He lied at first,
but soon gave in.
Yes, God told him my wishes,
he commited a Godly sin.
I told him about the perils of life,
about how broken I was.
The Devil costively dropped his smile
and let a tear come forth,
"I'm actually making you bolder,
I'm teaching you to survive.
So that if you ever need a crying shoulder,
you will make your own smile."
And it all made sense,
then and there.

The problems we get,
the unloyal friends.
Everything has a purpose,
primilarily to make us stronger.
Strong as iron.
Unbreakable,
indestructible,
infrangible.


-Nalini