My 21st Birthday

My 21st birthday was yesterday. Well, it was two days ago, but let me stay in line with the long-standing traditions of this secret blog. See: My 18th Birthday Was Yesterday and My not so happy birthday was yesterday

Unlike my 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, and even 20th birthdays, I didn't spend the day feeling lonely, grievous, or sad. I didn't try to label my friendships based on who knows what, I didn't cry at night missing my father. 

Instead, I was surrounded by people who love me, whom I love. We played the dorky games I wanted, like Secret Hitler and Cat-Pizza-Cheese-Goat. I wore a mustard yellow dress and everyone told me I looked beautiful. I baked them cookies. They gave me meaningful gifts, letters, and, obviously the greatest present, their time. 

Online, I received warm and thoughtful messages from close friends and acquaintances alike. I had a huge smile plastered on my face all day long. 

I was able to bamboozle my family into going kayaking with me. It was fun. Even though I missed Moni, the good moments seriously outweighed the bad. 

I felt so loved, happy, and warm. Like one of my friends said, tummy full heart full. 

Tonight, I will remember that day, and I will cry.

I miss you, Papa. 

In the park 

when I see a father chasing his daughter, 
and on the streets,
when I see them cycling together, 
and sometimes in the office, 
when I see that signature bottle. 

I also missed you terribly
when I caught a cold the other day.
I was in bed, sniffling, 

crying because I didn't want to be sick,
and I remembered when you ate my snot
just to make me happy. 
It did, back then when I was five, 
but not tonight. 

Tonight, I will remember that day, and I will cry.